I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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