Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
