you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
