i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
