you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
