I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
