I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
