Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
