You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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