you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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