fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
