Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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