Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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