Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The air taste purple.
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