Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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