She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
