hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
