On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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