I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize