And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Girls should come with a carfax report
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
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