we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
