You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
