Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
