It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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