Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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