uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
