It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
