I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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