everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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