Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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