also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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