okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
