I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
