the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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