dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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