My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
wow bdsm is so cute
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
