I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
