Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
These tits shall not be calmed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
