Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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