I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
