quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
