Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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