he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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