I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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