My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize