did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
