Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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