I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love having hate sex.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
