I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize