Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
