that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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