We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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