i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize