Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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