Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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