I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
