Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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