Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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