I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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