Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
