good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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