My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
