3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
