can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
