My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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