I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
