i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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