I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
