Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
