Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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