In the future we'll all be gay
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
