u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
