I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
