his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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