On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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