my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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