My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
