I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
