I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
