woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
