yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize