he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
