How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
