WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
