I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
