Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
